I’ve been working for my new company for just over a week now and the greatest conflict story I can come up with is the one I am having with my body. Flying can really take a toll on you when you do it everyday, several hours at a time. I honestly don’t know how those flight attendants at commercial carriers like Southwest Airlines fly 4 or 5 flights per day. The up and down pressure changes can wreak havoc on your ears and sinuses. For the last 4 days my head feels like it is going to blow off my shoulders. My body is in constant conflict against the elements when we are descending from 33,000 feet. Thank goodness I only do it once a day.

When the pressure in my ears and sinuses is battling against changing cabin pressure, there is little to do until the pressure comes to an even balance. Just like conflict between individuals and groups, a certain amount of pressure is returned to the other to move an agenda or balance out the playing field. As one party pushes, the other naturally begins to push back in resistance, causing a little bit of pain or discomfort. In response, the other party returns the pressure, sometimes ratcheting it up a notch.

So what do you do to relieve the pressure? One option is to just take it, suck it up until it goes away and deal with the pain and discomfort. The other option is to push back so hard that eventually someone gives up. But the best option is to try to read the other party. Look for a common interest and exert just enough counter pressure to move forward.

So how do I deal with cabin pressure conflict in that lump attached to my shoulders? I do a couple of things. First I take a nice decongestants before I ever get on the plane. I know the conflict is coming, so I go in with the tools I know will make the conflict easier to deal with. Second, When the plane begins to descend I will try to drink something ( swallowing helps the ears to pop), or suck on a piece of candy or a cough drop. Sometimes yawning will help too. If all else fails, I use the Valsalva Maneuver. While this is not the ideal method to “pop” your ears, it can prove helpful. Sometimes in conflict we need to add a little counter pressure, and this is the same idea. Plugging your nose and mouth and GENTLY blowing out will help to open up the Eustachian Tubes in your ears and help to open the sinuses. Ahhhh! Sweet relief.

So there it is… my conflict thought for the week. Tune in next week and I’ll try to come up with something a bit more exciting. And please remember… I am NOT a doctor, and in no way should you misconstrue my advise on unplugging ears and sinuses as anything other than a good analogy.

Ken

So where have I been? Well after a brief hiatus from the aviation world (9 years), I have returned to the, not-so friendly skies as a flight attendant. My world has had it’s peaks and valley’s in the last decade, but my mind always wonders back to this crazy life. I’m working for a private charter company, traveling the world and living out of a suitcase. When I left this business in 2002, I was looking for a venue to affect change and create “peace.” What I didn’t realize then, was that I could have done that work right where I was. So all these years later I am finding the balance I couldn’t find then.

I promise I will continue to post wonderful nuggets of wisdom and deep contemplation here on my blog. I have a renewed enthusiasm after my little brother created his Blog last month. I draw inspiration from his “thinking.” Check him out at “What I’m Thinking About.” Every Tuesday he post new thoughts and points to ponder.

Wednesday is going to be my “Conflict Day,” so tune in next week and see what has me worked up this week.

Ken

My holiday wish is that each of us receives exactly what we need, be it tangible or not. May we each have the strength to face the conflicts we encounter and the courage to face those conflicts with an eye toward change. May we be grateful for our friends and family, new and old, and may we be mindful of those who feel pain and sorrow this holiday season. May we be thankful for those who risk their lives everyday to advance humanity toward peace and equality. May we keep in our hearts and minds, those families who have lost loved ones to shame and bullying, and in their memory be more tolerant and loving individuals. May we exercise patience with those we love, and those we don’t know as we hustle through the crowds. May we be mindful of those who are hungry and homeless, sad or alone. May we open up our hearts to one another and find our common bond in humanity.

Peace

“I want, I want,”

we hear it all to often

I want a new this, I want a new that.

I want more… for me.

This year I want less,

Less for me and more for you

I want your new year to be filled with love

I want the world to live with more peace.

I want our bigger family to be blessed with the

Comforts of food, shelter and hope.

I want you to feel love like you never have before

I want you to have happiness like you have never known.

I want, I want,

I know this sounds very doomy and gloomy, after all, it’s Christmas, it should be cheery.  However, it is also the time of year that more people feel sad and alone. There are a myriad of reasons people don’t look forward to the holidays, and maybe this year we ought to step out of our festive bliss for a moment and reach out to those less fortunate in spirit than we might be. You can’t buy them a gift at the mall. Cookies and candy might send them into a deeper sadness. Surprising them with Christmas Carols on their doorstep may only annoy them further, or worse yet, remind them of a dearly departed loved one, who will be missed for the first time this year.

The greatest gift you might possibly give them is the gift of your ear. Okay, don’t get all artsy on me and take a knife to your ear, I mean LISTEN. Listen to their story, listen for clues about why the holidays may seem a bit bleak this year. Keep in mind, all your listening, and friendship may not make their holidays brighter this year, but it probably won’t hurt. Somewhere down the road, maybe this year or in 10, they will remember the year someone listened and allowed them the time to recover their holiday cheer.

As I am writing this I keep thinking of old commercial from Bell Telephone Company. I know I am dating myself, but some of you will actually remember the “Reach Out and Touch Someone Commercials.” Though the phones used in the commercial have cords and were attached to walls, the message still has a nice ring to it.

So during this holiday season, when you are happily enjoying your time with friends and family, think of someone who is struggling just to find peace and strength to make it through another lonely holiday. Pick up you cell phone and touch someone.

I had never seen a labyrinth, and quite honestly had no clue what it was all about. After a little history of the cathedral and labyrinth each of us began our journey through the meticulously laid path.

Here, on the second day of my incredible journey, I was about to step into a foreign medium of meditation. Slowly, one foot in front of the other, I made my way through the path. Slowly and meticulously I managed to clear my mind of the anxieties of this new life experience. I was clearing my mind for the adventure and challenges ahead of me, making time to contemplate “My Africa.”

After emerging from the center I took a moment to capture my thoughts.

The journey of the soul,

My Africa.

No expectations,

But fear, silent anticipation

And quiet sighs of relief.

Love not fully realized

Regrets,

Let go.

Journey toward this point

Then hold,

Think,

Whisper.

Turn and continue on.

No expectations,

Move on,

No fear.

Gentle release,

GO.

Ken Heare

Journal June 7, 2006

Table Mountain

When I feel conflicted about my life, people, relationships, or the plight of humanity, my mind returns to the most profound period in my life. It began on a chilly night in June of 2006, After hours of restless sleep, a mad dash through customs and immigration, the final leg of my trip ended with a screech as the wheels of a Boeing 737 touched down in Cape Town, South Africa. Here I would discover my passion, develop amazing relationships, and helplessly watch as the most horrific disease in my lifetime claimed one more victim.

From my Journal: 15 June 2006:

We climbed the mountain today. Symbolic in a way.

Our discussions since we arrived have centered around the ‘table.’

How do we come to the table?

How do we invite others?

What do we bring, what do we offer?

Each of us took our own time and pace;

we all arrived at different times and each experienced our own unique journey.

Behind the city center of Cape Town, South Africa a monolith rises, a precipice that beckons to be approached, climbed and cherished for it’s magnificent presence. Table Mountain, the defining, earthy symbol of the Western Cape, is a symbolic representation of the most successful attempt in modern history for peace and reconciliation.

The climb up Table Mountain is steep, exhausting and at times, seems almost insurmountable; but the reward at the summit is well-worth the physical task of the climb. From the summit, one has an unobstructed view of the landscape in all of its mysterious beauty. Beneath, is the city bowl of Cape Town, a sprawling city center. Beyond the city is Robben Island, the former prisoners island that Nelson Mandela called home for almost three decades. To the left, Green Point, Camps Bay and Hout Bay, where many of the wealthiest South Africans enjoy a luxurious lifestyle with unobstructed views of the ocean and pristine beaches. Turning south, in the distance, is the Cape of Good Hope, a symbol signifying the beginnings of colonialism.  To the East, the Cape Flats, home to the many black South Africans who were removed from the city under the system of Apartheid.

Standing on Table Mountain diversity is witnessed in every direction: diversity that represents South Africa, the people called to move from oppression to equality. The Table invites them ALL, in the spirit of ubuntu, to meet.

And thus began my journey, contemplating love, life, compassion, conflict, forgiveness and humanity.

This became, “My Africa.”

Holiday Light display Overkill?

The first storm of winter is upon us and it would be wise to make preparations should winter leave us in a bind, whether on the road or in our homes.

Every year, with out fail, I hear on the news about an individual or family lost and stuck in the middle of nowhere (if these people are anything like my dad they decided there was a short cut with beautiful scenery on the way to Grandmas house) with nothing but a candy bar and bottle of water to sustain them until rescue crews find them.  If winter travel is in your future this year, and I mean traveling anywhere around town, across the state, looking for a Christmas Tree in the woods, or heading to the mountains for sledding or skiing, there are a few things you ought to have in your car, just in-case you find yourself in a snow bank.

Pack a duffle bag with the following items:

• A flashlight with extra batteries (preferably one that has a setting to flash)
• Road flares.
• A Gallon of bottled water.
• Dry Socks (you might get your feet wet trying to dig out of the snow. If you can’t, and have to stay the night in your car, dry socks will be very nice).
• Energy bars (very high in protein and carbs).
• A space blanket . (this can be used to keep you warm AND signal for help).
• A pair of gloves.
• A small first-aid kit
• Matches and fire starters (don’t use these in your car, but if you are in the woods and can start a fire near your car it might be nice to have some fire to keep warm and signal for help).

Put a blanket in your trunk and a bag of ice-melt. The ice-melt could help you get unstuck and can serve as extra weight in the back end of your car.

Sometimes those winter storms can wreak havoc even when we are safe and warm at home. Heavy ice and snow can bring down the power lines and make it almost impossible to leave your house for supplies, so take a few steps to prepare for the unexpected emergency.

Fill a box or plastic storage bin with a few of the following items to make a winter storm bearable.

• A flashlight with extra batteries
• Matches
• Candles
• A small camp stove to heat water or food (you can find an inexpensive camp stove at most “superstores” like Target, Shopko, Kmart (and those other guys).
• A small bottle of camp stove propane (the stove is useless without fuel.
• Several cans of food (soup, chili, tuna) Items with a long shelf life that can be consumed out of the can or heated over your camp stove.
• Energy/Power bars
• A deck of playing cards (admit it, without electricity and cable many of us want to pull our hair out).

Not that these items are the end-all to surviving a winter storm, but they will make it bearable.

Have fun this winter,

Ken

Conflict is a path we travel to reach a goal, to attain a place of peace and reconciliation.  I do not assert that we choose conflict, rather conflict is inevitable, a process that we encounter on a daily basis. For almost a decade I worked as a flight attendant in an environment where conflict was part of my daily routine. As I studied conflict throughout college and later in South Africa, my understanding of how and why people engage in conflict came into focus. I became grounded in my conflict beliefs, realizing that conflict is not a “bad” thing, but rather conflict is a vehicle for change. I have also come to believe that understanding and validating the stories parties in conflict bring to the table is essential to effective conflict resolution.

During my career as a flight attendant I was continually baffled by the conflict I was confronted with by airline passengers. Most conflict involved carry-on baggage and delayed flights. As I have pondered why and how people engage in conflict I have established beliefs that allow me to better understand why conflict abounds in that atmosphere. When people find themselves in a situation where they have little control, people tend to resist where they can, trying to assert some manner control in their environment. For airline passengers, their carry-on baggage was a tangible symbol of their space and identity. Just as airline passengers have difficulty relinquishing their bags, parties in conflict find it incredible difficult to let go of their personal baggage. That baggage is packed with biases and years of conflict tactics. Asked to abandon those resources causes great alarm and conflict ensues. The items in their bag represent comfort, security and stability. People have used those items for years, whether they have worked well or not, and are reluctant to let them go.

My personal beliefs about conflict became solidified when I traveled to South Africa to study the affects of apartheid and how a nation could resolve centuries of racial conflict. Riding the ferry from Robben Island, where Nelson Mandela was imprisoned, I enjoyed a tremendous view of Table Mountain, the identifying landmark of the Western Cape. Reflecting on the stories I heard from black and white South Africans, Table Mountain became a metaphor for how humanity engages in conflict. The table is where people meet, coming together with different stories, experiences and methods of conflict engagement. When people come to the table in conflict, they come with the hope that someone will hear their story and acknowledge their place in the conflict. I firmly believe that unless those stories can be told and heard, the possibility for resolution is impossible.

Conflict has the power to change people, eliciting powerful emotions that serve as a catalyst to propel individuals to better understand themselves and others. I believe that people cannot move through conflict without seeing themselves and others in a different light. During the Truth and Reconciliation Commissions, South Africans had the opportunity to see each other as members of the same human family, with deeply entrenched beliefs and interests. When parties come to the table with a willingness to hear and understand the others story, there exists an amazing possibility for healing and reconciliation. .